A BOOK ON U.S. APPLICABLE LAW

Deacon San Nguyen

LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE IN A MARRIED COUPLE’S LOVE

Mr. Nam told me his sad story:

Right after 3 years resettling in America, his wife divorced him. The reasons that Nam’s wife presented to the divorce court was that her husband was very clumsy and hot temper. As Nam’s wife said, Nam did not know how to be gallant with his wife. He never showed off his gallantry with his wife, but his rough voice like a military man giving orders to his subordinates. Sometimes, if he was hot, Nam slapped on her face strongly. That was why she divorced him. Then, a year later, she married an American who worked at the same office with hers.

For five years living alone, Nam did not want to make friend with any other girl because he heart was still wounded. Unexpectedly, U.S.A. lifted the embargo on Vietnam and reconnected the relationship between the two countries. This incident had motivated many Vietnamese- Americans to come back their old country to visit their relatives and friends. Along with that movement, a great number of Vietnamese men came back Vietnam to look for wives, regardless that Vietnamese girls might be very young and never loved anything but dollars.

Because he had a very sad experience with his first wife, this time, Nam chose a wife for him carefully. He did not try to make friend with any city girl because he was afraid that city girls would rip off his money like most of others did. Instead, Nam went to a small and poor village, about 3 miles away from Can Tho province and met a peasant girl who was 18 years younger than him. The girl did not know how to wear perfume of make-ups. She was so nice, though. Nam happily sponsored her as his fiancée. Due to his U.S. citizenship, the girl went abroad without long waiting time. Immediately, one day after she arrived in U.S.A., Nam took her to court for a marriage certificate and then, to INS for a permanent residency.

Believing that his wife would stay with him until death departed the couple, Nam provided her everything she needed but a driver license. He made a big mistake when he kept her home 24/7 without letting her go anywhere by herself. Nam had fear that his young wife, a peasant who knew nothing about American life, would be tempted by other malice men. However, Nam never expected that, some day, the bird would fly away from its net, if there was an opportunity for doing so.

That happened. One day, Nam took his wife to a supermarket where she met a long time friend who was her neighbor. They were glad seeing each other. While Nam walking around looking for something, his wife asked for her friend’s phone number. A day later, Nam’s wife called her friend and told her friend the situation of a prisoner who could not go anywhere by herself for the whole year. Unexpectedly, her friend was in the similar situation when getting here. She was held as a prisoner for 3 years before a friend of hers help her escape. Now she had another husband who cared for her very well.

A week later, Nam’s wife followed all instructions from her friend but more dishonest.

She beat herself and caused some bruises on her body as much as on her hands. Waiting for her husband leaving home for work, she called 911. Through an interpreter, she told police that her husband abused her and beat her terribly for nearly a year already. About 15 minutes later, two policemen and one social worker came to her house, took her to a hospital for an exam then drove her to a secret shelter. In the evening, when Nam just stepped out of his car, two policemen handcuffed him and informed him that he was charged as “Committing assault and battery against spouse with a dangerous weapon”. Nam was taken to jail. At this place, an official told him that if he wanted to have a bail before be at the court the next day, he needed to pay 10% of the bail bond that was $500.00. Nam called his family. One hour later, his family member came with the requested amount of money to bail him out.

The next day, at court, after considering all evidence that police turned in: doctor’s reports and Nam’s first divorce paper in which, there was a statement about Nam slapping his wife, the judge sentenced him 3 years in jail and 3 years in probation.

Although he never beat his wife ever, Nam could neither advocate for himself because he had neither witness against his wife’s accusation nor proving that his wife falsely created all the bruises on her body. He only made mistake when locking his wife home. Now he had to suffer by himself.

About Nam’s wife, she had rights to divorce him and after divorce, she would not be deported but be a permanent resident in U.S.A. because she was considered as a victim of family abuse! America always opened arms for all victims like Nam’s wife.

Now, Nam admitted with me that he had two mistakes. First, due to his hot-temper, he did not know how to be gallant with his wife. He did neither say “thank you” nor “excuse me!” to his wife. Whenever going out in winter, he never put a coat on her shoulder or opened his car door for her stepping in and out. With his second wife, he tried to be nice with her and avoid making the same mistakes. On the other hand, Nam supplied to his wife everything she liked no matter what how expensive it was. Nam never believed that a peasant in a small village could do such horrible thing to him like that. Now, his heart was totally broken. In a rough voice, Nam sang to me a song written by the musician Lam Phuong recently: “I made mistake taking you to America.”

Nam’s case was not a unique one. There were many Vietnamese men who were trapped by young girls in the country.

Talking about Domestic Abuse, Oklahoma Statutes Annotated Currentness, Title 21: Crimes and Punishments against the Person; Chapter 20: Assault and Battery - Domestic Abuse, Nam’s case should be proceeded as follow:

1. Assault shall be punishable by imprisonment in county jail not exceeding thirty (30) days, or by a fine of not more than Five Hundred Dollars ($500.00), or by both such fine and imprisonment.
2. Assault and Battery shall be punishable by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding ninety (90) days, or by fine of not more than One Thousand Dollars ($1,000.00), or by both such fine and imprisonment.
3. Any person who commits any assault and battery against a current or former spouse, parents, foster parent, a child, a person otherwise related by blood, or a person living in the same household as the defendant shall be punishable by imprisonment in the county jail for not more than one (1) year, or by a fine not exceeding Five Thousand Dollars ($5,000.00), or by both such fine and imprisonment. Upon conviction for a second or subsequent offense, the person shall be punished by imprisonment in the custody of the Department of Corrections for not more than four (4) years, or by a fine not exceeding Five Thousand Dollars ($5,000.00), or by both such fine and imprisonment.
4. Any person who, with intent to do bodily harm, commits any assault, battery upon a current or former spouse, a parent, a foster parent, a child, a person otherwise related by blood, or a person living in the same household as the defendant with any sharp or dangerous weapon shall be felony and punishable by imprisonment in the custody of the Department of Corrections not exceeding ten (10) years, or by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one (1) year.
5. Any person who shoots any person mentioned above shall be a felony and punishable by imprisonment in the custody of the Department of Corrections not exceeding life.
6. Any person convicted of domestic abuse committed a pregnant woman with knowledge of the pregnancy shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, punishable by imprisonment in the county jail for not more than one (1) year. If the person convicted of a second or subsequent offense shall be guilty of a felony, punishable by imprisonment in the custody of the Department of Corrections for not less than ten (10) years. If the person convicted of the same offense but a miscarriage occurs or injury to the unborn child occurs shall be guilty of a felony, punishable by imprisonment in the custody of the Department of Corrections for not less than twenty (20) years).