A BOOK ON U.S. APPLICABLE LAW
Deacon San Nguyen
DON’T BLAME ME FOR BEING A CRUEL WIFE
Vietnamese people have an old saying: “Should you stay awake at night, you would know the length of the night. Should you live long enough, you would know people’s changeable hearts”.
That is quite right. A great number of people, residents as well as U.S. citizens, do not understand thoroughly American Family Law. That is why many of them violate the Law without recognizing their mistakes. Indeed, US Law is very complicate. There are tons of different aspects on everything. In this article, I will not discuss all of them but focus on Divorce Cases. There are two issues related with Divorce Cases: Alimony and Child Support.
As the Oklahoma Reformed Family Act, item number 43, paragraph number 101, grounds for divorce are:
- Dereliction
- Adultery Offense
- Incompetence bodily or spiritually
- Having pregnancy with other
- Cruelty
- Breaking of marriage
- Discordance
- Drinking habits
- Neglecting of duty of a family member
- Criminal
- Divorce established in other State was not complete
- Mental Problems for over 5 years
Usually, husbands who have much money and good jobs will be very disappointed if their wives plan divorces. Divorces will make husbands loose almost everything they own. In some cases, husbands received so heavy burdens, spiritually and bodily that they wanted to kill themselves. Many men have to pay alimony until their wives legally marry others. Sadly enough, if the wives have affairs with other men without legally wedding ceremonies, the husband still pay alimony as if nothing happens. Due to this kind of unfair treatments, many husbands become insane. They shoot their wives and kill themselves. In some cases, seeing their wives happily enjoy their new lives with boyfriends in the houses that the husbands bought before the divorces, the husbands angrily quit their jobs and become jobless so that they will not pay alimony anymore.
Some men accept jail terms due to the violation of the court judgment that was to pay for their wives’ expenditures. They had rather be in jail than cover the expenses of their former wives who now smiles happily besides their new boyfriends.
Another issue that needs to be explained: Child Support! As Court ordered, the father has to pay child support to his minor children. The mother raised her children with the support of the father until the children become adults.
Honestly to say, this kind of law is fair and necessary. While the mother raises the children, the father must financially support the mother so that the mother has enough means to accomplish her job. In the real life, many fathers do not want to fulfill their duties although their income is very high. In that case, the mother has to report the irresponsible father to the government.
Two weeks ago, I received letters from three men, two Americans and one Vietnamese, requesting me to visit them in jails. The first man told me that he was sentenced to a year in jail because he failed to pay child support for four consecutive months. The second man received a six month sentence because he was late one month. Both men let me know that regardless they were jobless, the Judge still put them in jail. The third man, a Vietnamese, complained that he was just five days late but his wife already reported his negligence with the agency. They put him in jail with the sentence of three months. The man looked very sad. He said that his wife was so cruel. As his saying, his wife did not want him to enjoy the Lunar New Year time with his three children, 9, 6, and 4 year old. The event of Lunar New Year (Vietnamese Tet), for him, was the unique occasion to have relatives and friends gathering at home to share happiness of the beginning of the Year. Thus, he asked me to tell his wife all of his thinking. To make him happy, I made a phone call to his wife. The lady told me a different story.
Four years ago, when she gave birth to the youngest one, her husband had an affair with a young, white haired, well-dressed American girl. The girl was 7 or 8 years younger than her. When knowing that the girl was pregnant, she divorced him. She told me that this was not the first time her husband was late in paying child support. He was always late, sometimes, two or three months although he received a lot of cash for his jobs. That was why she had to report to her agency with the purpose that was to teach him a lesson.
As for her, a father was responsible to his children who need financial aid as well as spiritual support.
Then she read for me two Vietnamese verses that were usually recited at some Vietnamese poor neighborhoods before the fall of Saigon:
“Behind the house, the wind blows banana trees Having affairs with somebody, you think that you can have everything free.
How about your children after you leave?”
The wife then recited for me another poem:
“On the roof, white snow drops Your affair must be stopped.
If you don’t want your body soft When you get cold and cough.”
The wife said: “Now the weather was very cold. Snow was covering the earth. The coldness will be bitter in the heart of the detainee who was fascinated with the white-haired girl. He who left his wife and his children behind in this new country had to suffer the loneliness in jail. He should be sad because his children now were now like orphans who had no father at all.”
Last but not least, she asked me to send him a message: “God has rules: You should eat what you grow. You should repay the debt you owe. Therefore, do not think that I am cruel. You, and only you, are the cruelest man in the world.”
