A BOOK ON U.S. APPLICABLE LAW
Deacon San Nguyen
COMPLICATED LOVE
First Story: Daughter or Wife?
Mr. Ba, a former South Vietnamese Officer, was a refugee to America since April 1975. Because of some reason, his wife was lost during the Fall of Saigon. After resettling in this country, Ba tried to find his wife many times in vain. Then without hope to see her again, Ba married a lady and had a boy. Unluckily, his second wife died of cancer when she was still young. Ba lived with his son, now married and was going to have a child very soon.
During 25 years living in America, Ba always thought about someday he would visit the old places where he had spent happy times there. His wish came true. One day, Ba flew back to Vietnam and happily saw many old faces of his friends at Saigon. They talked a lot about the good old days and felt that they were still young like many decades ago. After drinking many beers at several friends’ houses for a week or so, Ba and his friends felt that they needed one more thing to make them happier: Bar girls. So they did fill up their need: going to some bars where many young girls were serving customers nicely.
Ba and some of his friends enjoyed times at bar very much. Young girls at the same ages of their daughters served them at their best and did not refuse anything that Ba and his friends requested. When the urge of touching bar girls at bar seemed enough, they stepped up to another level: going to hotel with the girls they like most. Ba chose a very nice girl, about 25 or 26 years old, and took her to a hotel near by. They made love with each other passionately and felt that the love between an old man and a young girl was the best of all. After few days, Ba came up with another idea: marrying the bar girl whom he loved with all his heart. Ba proposed to the girl. Of course, the girl accepted Ba’s proposal without any hesitation. Being very happy, they had marriage certificate done and planned a journey to Dalat, a beautiful mountain side in the South, before going to see the girl’s mother and family in a small town near by. In the journey, both Ba and his wife felt that they were in paradise already.
When the journey ended, the girl took Ba to a country side to visit her mother. Both Ba and his wife never believed that an unexpected event waiting for them at home. Right at the moment seeing her son-in-law, the mother cried out “Oh! My God!” then fainted out. All the family was shocked and tried to help the mother back to her sense. Few minutes later, the mother recovered. However, she could not be the same person as before. With her trembled voice, she called Ba to her place and asked him to see if he could recognize her. At first, Ba shook his head but few minutes later, he called out loudly: “Oh! My wife!”
All the family seemed dead for a while. Through the mother’s trembling voice, she told everybody in the house that she was Ba’s wife before the event of April 1975, when the South of Vietnam collapsed. At that time, she was just pregnant with Ba. Because she was afraid that her husband could be killed by Communists, she sold all her belongings to buy a ticket for Ba to escape by boat. She was the person who took Ba to Chau Doc, a city near Vietnam and Cambodia border and said farewell to him.
That was the last time they saw each other. For 30 years, the mother had to move from city to city and worked from hand to mouth to raise their daughter without remarrying but waiting in vain for the information of her husband. She prayed to God everyday for the day they could unite together. Now her pray was answered but in an awkward situation. The most painful thing for them now was their daughter became Ba’s wife. Ba unintentionally married his daughter who carried in her womb Ba’s another child!
For Ba, decades ago, he did everything he could to find his wife. After being resettled in America, for many years, he sent some messengers back to Vietnam but nobody could give him any slightest idea about where his wife was. Now he had to confront the most complex situation in his life.
Seeing no any solution that could solve the problem, Ba called me asking for my advice. At first, he suggested that he would come back to United States and send $200.00 monthly for both persons: his wife and also the mother-in-law, his wife and also his daughter. When his younger wife delivered his child, Ba would send $2,000.00 more for her delivery. One thing that made him confused more was the child in his wife’s womb. Ba was not sure that the incoming child was his or somebody else’s. Ba might make love with a girl who was already pregnant before she saw Ba at the bar. Another issue Ba was afraid was his future in America: if he sponsored his young wife to the States as promised, how could he answer all the questions that his friends would ask him about the relationship between him and his wife? How could he face his wife when he already knew that his wife was his daughter? What would he call his wife and his son? My wife or my daughter? My son or my grand-son? Ba was totally lost in this complex matter.
After listening to Ba’s suggestion, I told him that I did not agree with him because of the future of his young wife (his daughter) and the child (100% his grand-child). Of course, his first wife, too. As my ideas, Ba had to sponsor his third wife to America and find home for her at another state far away from him. When she delivered, just name the father as Unknown. Then he had to support everything she needed for her own family like he did with his real wife. Two years later, Ba could divorce her so that she might marry another man to have a better tomorrow. Then, when she became US citizen, she could sponsor her mother to live with her. About the communication between them, Ba might call her as “daughter” and she called him “Dad” as normal. If they did not tell anyone, nobody outside his family knew anything. Things will be settled happily if they kept that secret forever.
Second Story: Uncle and Niece
Ba’s story reminded me another similar one. It was almost the same. Sam was as old as Ba. One day, Sam went back to Vietnam and enjoyed some fun at bar, too. Being fascinated with a young and beautiful girl at a bar at center of Saigon, Sam came here almost every day and spent much money for the girl whom he loved. Few weeks later, Sam and his lover walked in a hotel where the girl showed off all her talent to make Sam feel that he was her only and best lover. Sam truly believed that. He ignored what happened in her past and wanted to marry her as soon as possible. The bar girl was very glad. She took Sam to her home and introduced him with her parents. Nevertheless, at the minute seeing her dad, Sam staggered for a while and shamefully withdrew. The father of the girl was his cousin.
Indeed, there were many cases similar to those above stories. A great number of Vietnamese-Americans came back to their original country, had relationships with unknown young girls who few months later told the visitors that they were pregnant and forced the visitors either to marry the girls or sponsor them to America. Some girls requested Child Support as if they lived in USA, too. The girls used the same slogan to threaten unwise visitors: “If you don’t do as I say, I will report to INS and you will be in big problem!”
Practically, many Vietnamese-Americans never learn this lesson.
