A BOOK ON U.S. APPLICABLE LAW
Deacon San Nguyen
TEARDROPS DAMPEN PRIEST’S CASSOCK
Generally speaking, when a Catholic priest had performed a sacred vow at a church, he had to strictly follow all regulations of Catholic Church; one of the most important rules was the vow of celibacy. If any priest wanted to marry a woman or accidentally violated his vow, he had to voluntarily submit a letter to Higher Authority soliciting to forfeit his priesthood and to become a normal Christ follower. There were exceptions for a married man to be a priest: A Protestant Pastor, already married, wants to convert to Catholic or a Permanent Deacon whose wife passed away. Both cases had to be approved by the Highest Authority of Catholic Church. Once their applications were approved, they had to attend special course of Theology from 1 to 2 years depending each case. Then they might become a Catholic Priest.
There was a story related with a Catholic priest who forfeited his priesthood and became a married man. This man told me his story as follow:
Every Luna New Year, as a priest, I always took vacations for 3 weeks to visit my mother who was now very old. In the first time coming back home where my mother lived, a couple of married persons who had close relationship with my mother, came to greet me. They told me a sad story about a woman who lived near by their church. She was so nice a person. She volunteered to serve in the same Catholic Congregation with theirs. The couple also said that the lady was a devoted Catholic who never forgot any Sunday Masses, although her husband left her for another younger girl about a year ago. Now she had to raise two children, the older boy was 11, the younger one was 9. Everyday, the mother and her older boy had to wake up very early to cook “Xoi”, a kind of cooked sticky rice for people’s breakfast, then they all went to market for selling it. When the basket of “Xoi” was empty, the mother and son hurried back home for a light lunch, then all three of them went back to the market for a cleaning job until very late at night. Day by day, the mother and sons worked from hand to mouth, no relaxation ever. The boys, of course, had to drop out from school to help their mother.
Hearing this story, I felt very emotional and pity for the children who had left school early like that. Without hesitation, I asked the couple to take me see the mother and sons. When meeting them, I told the mother that I would help her by sponsoring her two boys until they completed high school. Being shocked with the news, the woman cried a lot and thanked me passionately. She said that whatever I said made her dream come true. Everyday, she prayed to the Lord to help her boys to go back to school. Now, she considered me as the Man whom the Lord sent to her.
Based on my financial support, the mother and her two sons lived in better conditions. My adopted sons studied hard and praised by the principal yearly. Knowing that good news, I awarded them a sum of money to motivate them to study harder. The mother was very happy because she did not have to work as hard as before.
As I said earlier, every beginning of the year, I came back Vietnam to visit my mother. At those occasions, I stopped by the woman’s house and picked up my adopted sons to have lunch and dinner. By the way, I wanted to check on their education and their work. Of course, I never picked up the mother to my house or anywhere.
Things would come as destined by the Lord.
For 5 continuous years coming back Vietnam, whenever I wanted to pick up my boys, I never got in the woman’s house, just waiting outside for the boys to climb in my car, or to drop the boys after dinning at my house. I did not want to see the mother often. Except one time, the mother ran outside soliciting me to walk in the house for few minutes before the sons were ready to go. I just stayed at her house for about 15 minute for a chit-chat then hurried out to take my mother to see a Pastor at Tan Dinh Church at the same time.
This year, as usual, I drove my car to pick up my boys. I expected to see them standing outside waiting for jumping in my car. However I only saw the woman standing there. She ran to my car asking me to step in the house for few minutes because the boys were still in their bathroom. While I sat in the opposite side with her in the living room, she began to say something strange.
“My Father,” she said, “I solemnly thank you for your help. Really, I don’t know how to thank you enough with all the precious things you gave us. We will keep in mind your kindness until we die.” Hesitating for a moment, she continued: “Father, today, I hold all my courage in my hand to ask of you another thing. Please sponsor my two sons to go to America so that they can have better education. Maybe, they will be famous among Vietnamese Community there.” Hesitating for a moment, the woman continued: “For doing that, please, Sir, with your good heart, sign a false marriage certificate with me to help all of us go to America. When we get there, we will live far away from you and will not bother you ever. We will keep it in secret so nobody will know about it. After 2 years, you will divorce me then we can go on to live in U.S.A. by ourselves. At that time, we will not be afraid to be deported anymore. And you still serve the Church as a Priest without any problem.”
Listening to this request, my heart almost jumped out of my chest. I tried to be calm and explained for her understand that, as a priest, I could not tell a lie, especially with American Law, I could not do any false thing. If the government found out, I would be in the biggest problem of my life. I might be put in jail for few years and pay a big sum of money to government. I also told her that, just few years ago, California State and Federal Marshalls discovered many fraud marriages. Many people pretended to be husband and wife but not living together. As US Immigration Law, all of them were taken to Court and received severe penalties. While US Citizens were detained, all people who were not citizens, after being in jail, were deported back to their own country Vietnam.
When I just paused, the mother suddenly jumped to me, held me tightly in her hands, and cried bitterly on my shoulder. Her tears wet my long black coat. I was motionless because I could not do anything when my body was squeezed in her hands. I had feelings that somebody just injected into my body a dose of anesthesia. During that time, she kept sobbing and told me that she loved me since the first day meeting with me. She also said that there were many priests who forfeited their priesthood to marry someone. It was no crime at all. On the contrary, who dared to do that because of his love should be awarded by God.
“Father,” she said, “if you marry me just to save a woman with two boys and help them go oversea to Freedom, you are the bravest of all. All people will know that you marry me not because of your covetousness but because of your good heart. I promise I will take all the consequence of this sin, if this is a sin before God. I am the person who lures you into this marriage. God will surely know this, God will forgive us.”
All her sayings made me lose my mind totally. I did not how to answer her besides saying “yes”. I promised her that after the Church allowed me to put off this black long coat I would come back and marry her.
Exactly a year later, the Church nullified all my vows as a priest. I came back Vietnam and married her, then, sponsored them to move in America.
Until now, I understand that in Life, married or not, each man has to choose for oneself a way of living and will pay something for that. But if someone questions me: “Which life is better? Being a priest or being a married man?” I should answer that being a priest is better than being a married man.
Because I had experienced in both ways of life, I knew that living as a married man was not as easy as living as a priest. People have a saying: “if you don’t lie under a blanket, you will not know that there are head lice in it.”
Now, I remembered an advice from a Senior Priest whom I respected as my Eldest Brother, when I just flew back home the first time. He said: “I know that you have a very good religious life with a strong confidence in God who created the universe and human-beings. All priests, no matter what religion they follow, must have the same characteristics as yours. However, in reality, even with those characteristics, we may feel weak before temptation. Thus, we need to be precautious and not to be tempted by some nice traps. Remember: “prevention is better then treatment”. And, “There is much ripening rice in fields but lack of harvesters.”
Nowadays, I thoroughly understand the meanings of the advice of the Senior Priest in Vietnam.
