A BOOK ON U.S. APPLICABLE LAW
Deacon San Nguyen
PLEASE DON’T SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME!
Indeed, this chapter mentions about “Domestic Violence”. In America, any violent act that harms a family member is considered as a “domestic violence”. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that is used by one person to gain power and control over another a household member. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, or psychological actions that subdue another person. Parents who act brutally to their children and siblings who beat each other terribly are all considered as criminals and will be detained and fined.
In Vietnam and some Asian countries, many parents raised their children in tough ways. When children disobeyed their parents’ orders, they might be punished terribly by their parents. Husbands and wives abused each other without being charged at Court. Very often, husbands slapped their wives in arguments. If a husband caused some wounds on his wife, he carried the wounded women to hospital for a treatment then went home like nothing happened.
A while ago, Bay, a man had tendency to slap his wife in anger. Even though he loved his wife very much, but when he disagreed with her on something, he slapped his wife hard. The thing he hated the most was her soft heart for charity. Bay’s wife liked to donate her money to Buddhist Pagodas or some religious facilities. Bay disagreed with his wife about that. He complained with his wife many times because he believed that religious facilities were not deserved to be supported. However, Bay’s wife still gave out some money to Pagodas in secret. Knowing his wife still supported some Monks, Bay slapped his wife until her cheeks became red! Due to her generous mind, Bay’s wife just wept softly without fighting back. Few minutes later, Bay ran to her and apologized to her. “I love you,” he said, “please forgive me!”. To reply to her husband’s remorse, Bay’s wife only said: “Please don’t say that you love me! Because anytime you said so, I was beaten hard!”
Hearing that lament, Bay felt that his heart was soften a little bit, but his temper did not die out. One day, Bay looked at his mail box and found out a letter sent from a Pagoda thanking her for her charity. Being angry, Bay waited for his wife to come home from work in order to question her about her charity doing. Right at the moment his wife walked into the house, Bay slapped her very strongly that made her staggered for a while.
Seeing this brutal act, his son called 911 with the intention to scare his father. A police came and asked Bay to see what going on. The man bravely told his son to translate what he said: “Tell the police that this is not the first time I hit your mom. I hit her many times already.” The son translated exactly what his father wanted him to do. The police immediately handcuffed him and took him to jail. Before being present to a court, a public defender talked to Bay and said that he was charged of committing domestic violence, it meant beating someone in the same household. Bay argued stubbornly that he did not “beat” his wife, just “slapped” on her face. He always thought that “slapping” was not “beating”. The defender advised him that slapping was considered as beating because slapping could cause serious wound on the face of the person who was slapped. The domestic violence also takes many forms and can happen all the time. It included physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Therefore, if the man pled guilty, he would receive a sentence with reprieve for one year. The man understood. He pled guilty and the Judge gave him a light sentence: 4 weeks in jail and $500.00 fine. Had the man been wise enough, he would not be in jail for that long. When the police questioned the husband, he only needed to answer that he and his wife argued loudly but he did not beat his wife. This might help him out of jail sooner. Nevertheless, to show that he was The Man of The House, Bay confirmed that he did slap his wife many times already. Thus, he deserved what coming at him.
Law of Domestic Violence
Each state has its own law about domestic violence. Generally, all states have similar features about domestic violence as followed:
- Any person who commits violent acts towards a member of household such as parents, spouses, children, and siblings, shall be detained from 30 days to 90 days and/or fined from $500.00 to $1,000.00.
- Any person who commits physical abuse towards a member of household while she is pregnant shall be detained for the maximum of 1 year.
- Any person who commits physical abuse towards a member of household repeatedly shall be charged as a felony and shall be detained for at least 10 years.
- Any person who commits physical abuse towards a member of household while she is pregnant and made her lose her pregnancy or damage the unborn child, shall be sentenced to over 20 years at Criminal Court. Any person who is abusive towards his or her spouse, spouse’ own child, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a roommate shall be charged as a felony and shall be either fined or jailed or both fined and jailed. The maximum for a fine is $5,000.00 and/or maximum in jail for 4 years.
- Any person who is abusive towards others in front of children shall be either fined $5,000.0 or jailed from 6 months to 1 year maximum. Any person who is abusive repeatedly in front of children shall be either fined $7,000.00 or jailed from 1 year to 5 years maximum or both fined and jailed.
Additionally, a Judge might give the defendant a Suspended Sentence or Probation in order to allow the defendant a chance to attend seminars on psychological issues. The length of the course depends on each case and each characteristics of the defendant.
Generally, the Domestic Abuse Act is necessary to protect families and children in America where many hot- tempered men can not control their behaviors. It is totally different with Vietnam’s culture which allows a husband the power of abusing his wife freely.
Ba was a man with jealousy because his wife was one among the prettiest lady at Saigon at that time. Whenever they went shopping, all men around had to turn their heads to them. Some whistled, some made funny sounds to draw attention from her. All of them were fascinated to her nice body and face. When it happened, Ba turned his head to his wife to check on her reactions. If her face looked cold, everything would be fine. In case she smiled or blushed, that would be a problem. Ba waited until they walked into their home and right at minute both her feet touched the floor of their living room, Ba jumped on her, questioned her and slapped her on her face until it became red. Because Mrs. Ba was beautiful in both her body and in her mind, she tolerated her husband’s jealousy through her quietness. She never fought back because she knew that her husband loved her.
Then, the April 1975 came. Both went oversea and lived in a state where few Vietnamese people lived. When seeing her, I asked to see if her husband still got used with his domestic violence in this country. “No,” she replied with a smile, “He behaved very well. He cares for me very carefully and never talks loudly like he did before.”
I believed that they would live happily ever after.
Ba was a lucky guy. There was another man, Minh, who was not as lucky as Ba. One day, being mad with his wife and children, Minh yell out loudly:
“I will kill you all! I will buy rifle and will kill you all.” Minh’s wife was scared with guns and things. She immediately reported to police who came over Ba’s house and arrested him although they found no gun in the house.
At court, Ba explained to the Judge and Jurors that he was just kidding. He never bought a rife in his life. He just said a joke about his penis which was considered as a gun. Anyway, the Judge still put him in jail for threatening a family.
Seeing me in jail, Ba solicited me to convince his wife to drop the case against him so that he could come back home with his children. So I did. Ba’s wife was not a hard-mind person. She agreed with me and then went to the Court requesting to drop the case. Ba happily went home with his wife and swore that he never got mad with his wife anymore.
That the lesson Vietnamese-American people need to learn. Late is better than never.
