A BOOK ON U.S. APPLICABLE LAW
Deacon San Nguyen
FOREVER LOVE
Editorial Note: An epilogue to “FOREVER LOVE” is written by Ms. Phuong Tran, a volunteer translator for prison ministry. Her writing is printed in bold italic fonts to distinguish it with the story written in Vietnamese by Deacon San Nguyen and translated into English by Mr. Tien Chu.
A Vietnamese Cultural Festival Held In Jefferson County Jail of Oklahoma.
This is the story of the local Jefferson County Jail on the Oklahoma-Texas border in the small town (population 2000) of Waurica, Oklahoma that took in some 200 immigrant detainees in 1998 from the US’s southern states. Most the men were born in Vietnam, and all were awaiting deportation. This is the story of their extraordinary relationship with a prison chaplain, Deacon San Nguyen, himself a political refugee from Vietnam. The refugee-turned immigrant advocate, and later first Vietnamese-American ordained as a Catholic Deacon in the United States of America, ministered to the prisoners for over 21 years until his retirement as certified chaplain in 2015.
His prison ministry brought the men who had been estranged from their home country for years their first taste of Vietnam in a community-organized cultural festival in 1999, as well as closure and peace during a prison protest where the deacon appealed for calm following arson.
He advised the prisoners at the 1999 cultural festival – an unprecedented event for the entire US prison system at that time – to keep the faith, that while their detention may feel indefinite, they would one day be free.
As of 2000, all the jailed immigrants had moved on. None were deported. Most were set free, with only a small number transferred to other detention centers. But their stories from Waurica and that of the chaplain’s dedication to them, live on in the following pages.
Many people wondered why there were a lot of sad stories happened to men instead of women in this country? In Vietnam, sad stories usually happened to women more than to men. Perhaps, many of us, especially men, understood that there were a great number of delicate, complicate reasons that can not be explained in this article.
In Vietnam, when talking about a faithful love, the majority of us immediately thought of a female’s love. We usually considered females as faithful lovers or wives. We rarely considered of males as lovers who kept their love until the end. Before 1975, females were victims in most cases due to the betrayals of lovers. A number of people who committed suicide were females. After we left Vietnam for a new country, things changed. Victims of unfaithful love mostly were men. There are many cases in which women left their husbands for their new boyfriends. More cruel things happened when mothers abandoned their own children. Indeed, there were some differences between man-victim and woman-victim. If a woman was betrayed, she harms herself of commits suicides. If a man was a victim of a Love, he either tried to forget things happened in the past in alcohol or became a patient of mental problems. Sometimes, husbands sought vengeance through killing their wives, lovers, and children then committed suicides. The story below was an example of sad stories happened in this country.
Twenty two years ago, Mr. A coincidently met Ms. B at a refugee camps in Indonesia. After two years of acquaintance, they fell in love with each other. Before leaving camp for America, they swore to get marry regardless they might be living in different cities.
God blessed their solemn oath. Both of them were admitted to migrate to the U.S.A. Ms. B. left camp to live with a sponsor in California. Mr. A moved to Massachusetts and lived with a Catholic sponsor. A month later, Mr. A told his love story to the Pastor of the church where he lived. The Pastor was very emotional. He helped to buy airplane ticket for Ms. B to transfer to California to live with her lover. Both sponsors supported them to organize a grave wedding ceremony at the church and at restaurant, too. All the expenses for the ceremony were paid off by the sponsors, too. The traditional Asian wedding was a luxury one. The Bride and the Broom were very handsome in their Vietnamese costumes. Watching the wedding, their relatives happily said: “They are like mice falling into a vase of rice!”
Then, after the wedding, through the recommendation of his sponsor, Mr. A was hired to work in one among the biggest constructors in the state. With his energy, hard working, and integrity, Mr. A was promoted to the position of a foreman, who directed more than a hundred laborer including 50% Americans. The rest were Asians and Mexicans. Mr. A was the only Vietnamese in this company. To build a good future for his family, Mr. A worked at least 12 hours a day so that his salary was double the salary of a new engineer. Ms. B now needed not to go work. She stayed home and gave births to several children. After 6 years working very hard, Mr. A could build a new company for his own. His new company grew fast and brought him a big sum of money. He became a millionaire, bought 2 luxury Mercedes for him and his wife.
The happy life did not last long. Suddenly, a day, his wife told him that she wanted to divorce because she could not live with him anymore. She said that she felt very lonely night and day, because he worked so hard outside his house and neglected his wife at home. That was why she wanted to live in another state with her younger children. She left two older children with him. Having no choice although he loved her so much, Mr. A agreed to have a divorce and allowed his wife to take two younger children with her. Besides, Mr. A agreed with all the conditions that his wife and her lawyer already planned.
Then, day by day, Mr. A. went to work and took care of his two children very well. He drove his children to school and picked them up after school. At night, he cooked meals for his children to eat and helped them to prepare their home work. Unexpectedly, in an evening, Mr. A received a call from his youngest son, 7 year old. His son told him in tears that his step father hit him and his brother almost everyday. Hearing the sad news, Mr. A. hurried to buy an airplane ticket and then flew to his sons. He just wanted to question his former wife about the cruel treatment of his sons. Of course, his former wife denied everything. She said that her new husband never beat his sons. Being doubt about his former wife’s integrity and worrying about his sons’ pain, Mr. A. waited for the next day to visit his sons at school.
Bad luck happened to him. Mr. A made a very serious mistake. He took his sons to the airplane and flew back to his home in California without asking permission from his former wife. Right at the time Mr. A and his sons walked out of the plane, two officers came and handcuffed him. The officer also took his sons away. In the meantime, two other officers came to his home and took two older children out. A social worker took all four children to a secret place to hide from Mr. A.
At the prison, Mr. A was accused on 3 crimes: Child kidnapping, trespassing, and attacking somebody with dangerous weapons.
After a month at the jail, his attorney visited him and suggested that if he pled guilty of child kidnapping, the D.A. would acquit two other crimes so that he only served 15 years in jail. If he refused this offer, he might get 30 years in jail. Mr. A determined not to accept his crime. He pled not guilty at all. He said that he tried to rescue his children because their step father beat them. Of course, he admitted that he did something wrong but he was not a criminal. Besides, he believed that two lady teachers who taught their children would be witnesses for this case. They knew that the children were beaten but no mark on their bodies. That was why the teachers kept silence. In fact, he did not attack anybody. Both his former wife and her new husband invited him in their house. Mr. A did not break in their house. All of the accusation from his wife’s side was totally false. He hoped that the Judge would understand the situation and dismiss the case and give him back the rights to see all his children.
Now, being detained in jail for over 8 months, Mr. A had chance to think back about his past. He understood that these bad things happened due to his faults. During the time he tried to make rich for him and for his family, he neglected his duties that was to spend more time with his family. His absence from home caused his wife to leave him. Today, it was too late for him to understand the real value of life. Money could buy everything but happiness. Indeed, his wife left him when she was supported fully by her husband. At that time, his wife was still young. She needed his tender care more than money. He imagined that his wife had spent a lot of time at home by herself, lonely and sad especially at cold nights when snow covered all things, she had to sit alone in her chair waiting for him to come home.
All those images appeared in his mind made him miss her so much. He really loved his wife with all his heart. Mr. A wished that he would do anything to please his wife regardless he might sacrifices his life for her.
Nevertheless, later on, his lawyer told him that his wife was caught due to her concealing a volume of heroine. His lawyer suggested that if he agreed to help her by admitting that he kidnapped his children from his wife, she would receive only 5 years probation sentence and then she could raise all 4 children by herself. Without hesitation, Mr. A agreed. He said that he always wanted his wife to raise all of the four children. There was no any love could compare with the motherhood.
Two weeks later, Mr. A was led to a judge. He signed the agreement. Before going to jail, he emotionally told me:
“Dear Sir, this unhappy event had led me to jail but I felt happy about this. Since today, I feel sad no more because all my wished had been fulfilled. My beloved wife and my children will be together very soon after she was released from temporary detaining camp. For me, I will be in jail for long. Although being lonely, I will not feel as miserable as the first day in jail. My wife and my children will be living together happily. I only regret that before being in jail, I totally forgot God and all Catholic Mass that I had to attend. In my past, I passionately worked to make fortune as quickly as I could. I did not remember God’s love. I forgot that God gave me all talents and health. I wished that God would forgive me. Now I am happy alone. I promised that I would do everything I could for God and for people once I was free. Now, I hand you two photos: one of my wife and me, another of my whole family. Please keep them for me and do not ever lose them because they are my best gifts ever. When I am free and have a new address, I will forward my address to you. Please send the photos back to me.”
Mr. A’s reactions and the deeds he did to his wife had proven a teaching in the Bible of Saint John was true: “There is nothing more precious than the love of a man who sacrifices himself for his Lovers.” Mr. A. had given everything to his lover, materially and spiritually only to help his wife to be free. He ignored the fact that his wife had accused him wrongly. Besides, he did not want for anything in return.
Since Vietnamese people resettled in this country, there were many sad love stories happened similarly to Mr. A’s. With superstitious belief, people might think that their bad lucks were set before they were born. This presumption was not completely right. In my opinion, majority of bad things were caused by people’s characteristics and living conditions. Should they know that their doings would lead them to bad luck in future, they would not do it. Just like Mr. A’s case. “God could not be blamed! They had it coming to them!”
Anyway, the love that Mr. A saved for Ms. B was one among the most dramatic and romantic stories in the world.
Many romantic songs made us think that we were flying in the immense clouds over the sky. Love is a splendid thing.
***
Updated the end of “Forever Love” Story
During the time Mr. A was in jail, he studied very hard to get a high school diploma (GED), and then, a Mechanical Engineering degree. He was released 8 years later. However, he was still detained by INS. I wrote him a letter. (This is the letter with names changed to protect the identity of the man.)
July 23, 2007
Dear A,
Last Saturday, at my visit, you told me that even though you already finished the 8th year in jail and released from prison, but INS still detained you. They have kept you for 3 months now. As INS’s rules, if there is no proof showing that the detainee has not committed another crime or any threat to the society, INS must set him free. In some cases, the length of the detaining time might be 6 months or more.
I know your case very well. For over 3 months, since the day you reported to INS, they did not have any other proof of your new crime but they still kept you for no reason at all. INS had unfairly treated you who lost his wife and 4 children and who had no any relatives at all. No sponsor for a job, no lodging at Tucson, Arizona, too. I also knew that while in jail, you behaved very well and received maximum scores for your behaviors. Very few prisoners had the same scores as you did. Nevertheless, something wrong here: you are still detained by INS.
I have to find some ways to help you with all my might. Suddenly, I remembered something special. Five years ago, I requested a Federal Public Defender, name E. to go with me to a temporary detaining center where nearly 200 former Vietnamese detainees were kept. The center was at Jefferson County, about an hour and a half hour driving from Oklahoma. We took information of all of them and reported to a Federal Judge requesting him to release them without bails. After that, 95% of the detainees were set free, only 5% were transferred to Federal detaining center. Now, I believed all of them were free, too.
This morning, I visited Attorney E. and asked him to help with your case. I hoped that you would be free soon so that you could have job. Once you had job, you might look for your children. Attorney E. promised with me that “I will do my best to help him by your request”.
There is one thing I must remind you: Be very careful when looking for your children. If not, you might get problems again and be in jail. Therefore, right after you are free, I will take you to a Federal Court to arrange monthly payments for the $900.00 Court fee after you was stable with your job. Also, we will ask him about the right of custody of your children and the right to visit your children who are under 18 year old. You do not have to worry if they are over 18 years old.
At the meantime, while we are waiting for the help from an Attorney, I already copied “A Writ of Habeas Corpus”, a form used to sue the Justice Department requesting them to have fair treatments to all people. You do not need any lawyer to help you with this form. You may submit this form to Federal Court requesting them to set you free due to the law of Double Jeopardy. Nobody will be fined with the same crime twice. After you already done you time, INS can not keep you without reason. You will certainly be released back to your normal life like hundreds of former Vietnamese detainees already been free.
By the way, I should let you know, Uncle C. cannot visit you at detaining center like he did before. His employment card was sustained. However, he promised that if you were released, he would come and pick you up then drove you to a bus station to Tucson.
This weekend, I will visit you and give you some documents as I wrote earlier. If I have any news from Attorney E. office, I surely come see you right away. I pray for you every night for you to be free soon.
Dearly,
Deacon San Manh Nguyen
(A copy of this letter was sent to Mr. C.)
